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When the only hope is hope ... hope is still enough

by Julia S., 19 year old girl from Poland

10 comments · February 4, 2014

HYPE 54

#thisismystory #lovenailtree #hope #dream #love #sicret

gingerr94.wordpress.com feel free to visit my blog ;)

“There’s nothing slick about honesty, but there is something great about it.” I am going to give you story which moves mountains, lights extinguished bonfire and give back lost hope. Drifting between happiness, mother’s weeping and longing which cut people’s minds on pieces. Courage, sacrifice, ongoing struggle… every of these values is ingrained in us. The question is what can push the human race to use it, to reach for dreams. The answer is venerable like world where we live … LOVE.

During the holiday 2012 my friends and I decided that we will visit mother one of us. She used to live in Wakefield ( little , lovely city next to Leeds). We needed the money , we had huge expectasions : how holiday there , work unless 5 days per week , wages which will bring us lots of joy. I had one more wish. To find something what will change my life completely , sinking in routine I needed to believe again. In my vivid imagination . I saw his face ... moving. Shiny brown eyes , tanned complexion , head of brown hair and cheeky smile. However the most wanted thing for me was sense of security . I needed a man who will take my hand gently and whisper to me : Everything will be ok , you are strong enought to follow your dream even that each plan fails. Day of departure came me and my three best girlfriends set out to find adventure.The first few days went by to find housing, and to register for employment agencies. Unfortunately, we arrived a little too late so job wasn't so available as we thought it will be. However England have this specific climate , diversity combined with culture and history. It charmed us. Living by our self was a huge test aswell. We rented a house , cooked and clean during 3 months , but this has shown us the real truth abaut life ... Doesn't matter how much money you have or where you are , if you surround yourself with true friends , you will be ok. I discovered new spaces and I found out I like them more than the previous one which bring me so many disappointments. I was dreaming abaut staying there and being truly happy , but I couldn't imagine any plan which could open my way to Great Britain. In the evenings I read "Dear John" Nicholas Sparks's book and I couldn't believe how the main characters fell in loved so much after one week? Solution the riddle life decided to show me during one hot night. I went with one of my friends to the club ,she had a date with cude sales assistant who absolutely adore her , unfortunetly she wasn't so sure abaut her feelings. To my surprise her date bring a friend... Tanned , brown hair and eyes , cheerful man. Unfortunetly totally not in my type , plus two times smaller than me. It was obvious that I will have to spend lots of time with him. After an hour my friend flirted and laught all the time , but me and a stranger ran out topics to talk. I started to believe that , that night can not be worse , when a stranger was replaced by a new stranger , my friend's date's friend aswell.This time it was a dancing latino sinking in hair gel. He knew polish phrases which meaned Kiss me and he was using them all te time. When I refused he asked me If I have my period, it was this moment when I understood that is just to much and night is big disaster . The songs were passing , his crazy , ladies dancing aswell. Resigned I was looking around to find some recourse... then I saw something more than that... I saw my man. He was watching me sipping a drink. When our eyes met , we smiled to eatch other with joy, like we were both waiting for this moment. I understood more than ever that my life will never be the same. I only had one problem , latino guy. My dreamed man obviously thought he is my boyfriend , thats why watching was only move which he made. I tried to show how much I am not intrested in latino guy , but nothing was able to stop him from trying. I could only try to charm handsome man by my dance and this is what i did. Happily latino finally gave up and went to home. I was waiting for an epic moment of meeting . I didn't have to wait long. I looked for him in the crowd when I found him again, I felt a pleasant heat wave then he came to me . I saw this charming smile and I couldn't believe that my imagination bring this beautiful creature to me. What's your name? - he asked. If someone would have told me that these words were beginig of beautiful adventure which bring me to one of the biggest metropolises in the world , made me a international student in dreamed university and maybe starts my modeling career I would never believe...The night turned into great fun. We danced , we laught. Four of us like a big family.When club closed we went to diffrent one all together to spend more time . On the way from one place to another Edvin (it was his oryginal name) was saying to every woman which he met that is beautiful and she suposse to smile , cause the night is beautiful. I felt like I am dreaming , he couldn't be so perfect. Man was born in Albania , but he used to live in Great Britain since long time.When I asked him abaut age , he said guess. It was very hard to guess actually cause he looked very young , he had full of excitement eyes and he behaved like dancing in the rain little boy. 23 - I said. Yes - he asnwer. My hope was intelligence , funny and incredibly handsome. The night end ,but we felt insatiable our company. So fiew days later we met again. I was scared and stressed. We went bowling .Stress disappeared when he took me in his arms. I was struck by his warmth and directness. This charming boy was hugging me all the time and this is how our game starts. We met eatchoter two weeks before my return to Poland. We admit openly that is just a fun, but we were getting closer and closer. Sometimes he was getting sad and he warned me that he have sicrets which will beak me down, but after he was taking my hand and he adored it like the biggest precious. We both fight with feelings , because we knew it will finish quick no one waned to be hurted , however this how we felt next to eatchoter was more powerfull than anything. Every meeting was making ous more addicted. In this short time, I wanted to give him as much as possible. After my payment I went to shopping center to search for perfect outfit for our date ... unfortunetly one of the last ones. I spended long hours there I waned to find something special. Finally I saw a T'shirt. Did you hear abaut ideology : if you really want something you will get it / find it . I just felt like I did that , not a first time during that holiday. One sentence , one assurance , big promis. Tattoo on our souls. "Your sicret is safe with me". Sexy black shirt. Perfect! - I thought. Long leopard skirt with cut, gold accesories. He's gonna love it ! I was sure , and I wasn't wrong. That evening I felt like temptress. Like I had a mission to make him believe that everything what I said before , abaut this how much not serious we are is not true. And the only truth he have on my chest and inside my heart. "Your sicret is safe with me" I reapted. First time I saw love in his eyes ,he was moved. Then sadness start to come out from him , we both knew that we will pay high price for our weakness. We felt ready in the worst moment... However there are not bad moments for love.. All of them are perfect...The day has come to say goodbye. Faster than we expected of course... He tried to be brave but his eyes were to honest.. told me everything. He pushed me to promis to him that I will comeback next summer after I will finish highschool , for work again. - Even if u will have someone come with him.. I will be still hear just to see you. - He admit. What abaut me? Surprisingly , I was happy ! Exited , but only from one reason I was already sure , (even that I didn't have any assurance ) that is not the end... That is just a beggining. I felt like I need to share that feeling with him so I gave him card and that is exactly what I wrote there. How gratefull I am for these short ,but precious time. "This is not our farewell" I added at the end. My mission was completed , I left him with uplifting ,sweet hope , which he gave me. Family and friends find out very quick that something changed in me. I was full of energy more than ever. Radiant and I couldn't stop talk abaut perfect stranger which I met. Edvin ... His name was like exciting riddle. I wasn't the only person who waned to know solution , my family and loved ones waned to know what is so special abaut him. Me and my hope started to talk on Skeype and chat. More and more. I almost sticked to the computer. Conversacions was the only thing which we have , so we devoted the most attention on this.He was calling me all the time aswell , long conversations during nights. It all made me believe that doesn't matter how long I will have to wait , I will do that cause it's worth it. I imagined thousand ways of me moving to Wakefield , but it was hard to believe in that truly. However you know what they say : If you only see the stairs without destination , follow them in faith. One day something break in him. Edvin couldn't any longer carry this burden. - I have strong feelings for you Julia . You are perfect ... to perfect for me . I am ... I am 10 years older than you . I am sorry , I never meaned to hurt you. You are so perfect... I am sorry , I will want you forever , Goodbye...This and much more confessions I read at this day. I was shocked. Firstly how he's doing it? haha He looked like young god. My own Zeus - I thought with sadness. Of course more hurt , that I was cheated , however the biggest soreness was thought that I will never see him again , I will never speak with him again. Whether my hope waned to take from me rest of my hope? Days passed in a hopeless pace and I still didn't know what to do , until the time has come. Magical moment of reconciliation. Wena from the afterlife... which made me to create something... something what showed me clear message. Love does not choose. I made a poem " I fall in loved with Island" and after reading it the answer was clear. My dream was to find carying man with sentivie soul who will adore my imperfections and push me to do big things. And this is what I found! This how old was he didn't change anything , didn't change our feelings and my dreams. After that conlusion I recieved message from him ,short and meaningful : "I need you". I didn't need more , I needed only him. Nothing was able to stand on our way to happiness, I was truly inspired. Plans of studying in London came later. My sister decided to move to London. I realized that this is another chance of fate. I knew it was a moment in which everything goes perfectly on my mind , cause I dreamed with power of love. The biggest magical power which exist, the only challenge is to listen what it try to say to you and follow it. I was very excited when I was searching for college course. I waned be journalist , fashion journalist , writer , media person , but also pose for photos and use my creativity for proffesion like advertising. I always was like this... full of ideas , dreams and ambitions. I couldn't decide on one , so I finally choose Advertising , PR and Media Degree course. It sounds to be perfect for me. Sister assured me that I can apply to modeling agencies, advertising agencies , even If I wasn't tall enought I could still be a commercial model. I had an idea to create a fashion blog and continue that in London by speaking with fashionable strangers on the street. I applied to study , university in London ... woow - I was thinking I never thought I will have change to do that. I jumped ,boldly like never before. Now or never . Edvin supported me. I knew it I have to pass my A-levels perfectly to get in. To be honest it was hard to focus on study when in my mind I had a picture of handsome face with huge heart. Time passed in faith and love until big test which fate prepared for us.In the winter his immune system attacked his bones.The doctors were helpless. My dreamed man seemed to loosing his hope , however I was at the time in which nothing could break me. I found a work. I earned money for a ticket . During winter holiday I visited him. He was emaciated . You supposse to learn for your exams- He shouted and maybe he had right , but I knew it , that hope which connected us during holiday time , will let me to achieve everything what I want( and I had right) .We were two lonely souls with broken hearts in cruel word hitted by the ciris.. Economical and emotional. All we waned to believe again. Find a sense. After a short time of my visit disease subsided. We won. We live now in a long distance relationship fighting for our common dream. Be together forever. Power we based on this what we learned - When the only hope is hope ,hope is still enought to make your dreams come true.

Comments (10)

Fleur Chelsea
Lovely look! So pretty!
reply ·
Ahmed Imodroug
Great Look <3
reply ·
Priscila  Diniz
wow
great look
reply ·
Kassidy S.
Awesome look! And your hair is so rad!
reply ·
Sarah Sonnenschein
nice Look!
reply ·
Russel Manalastas
so nice! :)
reply ·

  

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