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Relationship Advice Column

1,032 comments · save · last comment by Kay T. 7 months ago

Chris Fox

Chris F.

FORT WORTH, TEXAS,
United States

6948 posts

It's simple! I'll answer any questions you all have about love/relationships/etc to the best of my ability.

I'm now hosting a column on Tumblr! You can find it over here.
ineedrelationshipadvice.tumblr.com/

If you simply can't speak to me through this public forum, hit me up anonymously via my Tumblr or via the Relationship Advice Column Tumblr.

almost 5 years ago

#1001
Linda Collazo

Linda C.

THE OC, CALIFORNIA<3,
United States

259 posts

So me and my ex boyfriend of a little over a year broke up about 2 months ago.
It was long distance for a long time, and there was alot of trust issues involved. But we learned to move passed it. Anyways, he just visited these past 2 weeks. And recently I saw on his blog how sad he was and he told me that 2 girls lead him on. I still hadn't gotten over him, so I wanted to be there for him and be his friend. And we decided to be "fuck buddies" because we lost our viriginities to each other and we both can't do that with anyone else. And, so basically I was happy before we decided to do this. And now all my feelings came back&so did his. Every time we'd do it, he wouldn't say much and we would never hangout after. But one night I slept over and he said "I love you" to me. And he said he's been so hurt and that he hasn't been able to move on and that he still cares. However, now that he's leaving back again he hasn't really spoken to me and he told me he wouldn't be able to see me for awhile. Because his parents got upset that I slept over since we're not together&they told him they didn't want him with me. And so anyways, now I don't know what to do.
I text him, but he ignores the texts. And before he came to visit, I had finally moved on with my life. And I had finally stopped talking to him and cut him out of my life. And now I'm back to where I started. What should I do? Keep trying, or just let it be.

0 · October 2, 2012

#1002
Ine Geek

Ine G.

UTRECHT,
Netherlands

155 posts

@Linda C.

I can't really judge based on a short post, but from the sound of it, the fact that you had moved on and had stopped talking to him is exactly why he wanted to get back into bed with you. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but the fact that he's ignoring you now, after he got what he wanted from you, isn't a very nice thing to do. If you love someone, you don't treat them that way, even if it upsets your parents.

You still care for your ex and that's going to make it hard moving on, especially when he's probably going to be back in touch as soon as you decide to stop talking to him. But ask yourself what you truly want from him, what will make you happy, and figure out if he's capable of giving you that. The trust issues you had before won't magically disappear, not with sex, and not with saying "I love you".

0 · October 16, 2012

#1003
Camille  T.

Camille T.

MANILA,
Philippines

12 posts

When the guy is younger than you..

0 · November 7, 2012

#1005
Perica ♥♪

Perica ♥.

VILLAGE OF HAPPINESS, KWAZULU-NATAL, SOUTH AFRICA,
Philippines

25 posts

@Camille T.

:) i made a post about my experience dating a guy younger than me... thegirlwiththemujihat.com/2012/05/trouble-with-young-love.html

0 · November 8, 2012

#1007
Daphne Verhoeven

Daphne V.

PORTUGAL,
Portugal

61 posts

@Budiono T.

for me it works and it is working really well

0 · December 25, 2012

#1008
Daphne Verhoeven

Daphne V.

PORTUGAL,
Portugal

61 posts

Just give your partner space, you deserve your space just like your partner deserves his/hers space. Let her/him have friends don't be like I don't like her or him and blah blah blah, don't call bad names to your partner, that's the beggining of getting a painfull relationship... Be romantic, have dinner at your home watch a movie make pancakes, give him or her breakfast in bed buy her or him a drink or a cake just be sweet and say what you feel and keep things mystirious so that the flame won't go away :) sorry for my bad english btw, hope this helps for those who need help

0 · December 25, 2012

#1009
Budiono Tri

Budiono T.

BANDUNG,
Indonesia

15 posts

@Linda C.

You deserve life. Just move on~

0 · December 25, 2012

#1010
Gagaa  Batinić

Gagaa .

HER WORLD,
Serbia

150 posts

@Budiono T.

Yep, for me it works, too. I'm more than a year in a relationship with the guy from another city.

0 · January 2, 2013

#1011
Gwendolyn R. Chandler

Gwendolyn R. C.

MARYLAND,
United States

99 posts

I dated a girl for 10 months before we decided it wasn't working, we both were not truly making each other happy. (Plus lack of communication and some sexual issues) So we broke up mutually. Afterwards though we were fuck buddies for a while and that got awkward because we didn’t know how to talk to each other normally so she would leave to hang with her new friend. She never had time for me any more and I wanted us to stay friends SO badly. She was drifting a part and it seems like she didn’t care about me any more, like she was keeping her distance. So we decided to give each other space... since then I've HATED it. I never wanted to lose her but I did and now we never talk and we blocked each other from all social net works... she said she doesn’t know if she loves me any more and if we will ever be friends again... That KILLED ME.

It’s been 4 months since we last talked and she seems like she is so happy and not even heart broken! Where as I am here thinking about her and missing her every single day. I talk about her all the time and she never even thinks or talks about me. (It’s hard because I see her a lot on campus and we don’t even look at each other).

I had her friend ask her if she and I could talk and she said yes. So when i get back from break we will have a talk and I am so nervous! I want to tell her all the pain she put me through, and how I still love her but I don't want to scare her away again. I been feeling okay recently, not in as much pain now than I was the first 3 months.. I might be able to let go, but i still miss her in my life so much.

SOO what I'm still deciding on (and what I need help on) is if I should ask if we can be friends again or if i should just leave it and not try to bring her back in my life because I might set myself back again and cause more pain.

What if she doesn't care about me any more or doesn't want us to be friends again? I’d rather have her not in my life again knowing she is not worth my time than be in her life and feel lied to and not cared about.... What kind of compromise should I ask of her? What should I tell her when we talk??? Or should we not have a talk?

0 · January 5, 2013

#1012
Mal S

Mal S.

ANTARCTICA,
United States

664 posts

i don't need advice, i just wanted to say i love chris <3333333333 :)

0 · January 8, 2013

#1013
Chris Fox

Chris F.

FORT WORTH, TEXAS,
United States

6948 posts

@Mal S.

Dawww, you.

0 · January 10, 2013

#1014
Chris Fox

Chris F.

FORT WORTH, TEXAS,
United States

6948 posts

@Gwendolyn R. C.

This whole keeping you at a distance and seeing other people thing is the way she copes with a break up. She's just trying to move on, while you're a lot more emotional about things. And of course you miss her, and cared about her deeply, regardless of how things were working out. It's just life, you know?

I would honestly advise you to not be friends with her. From an unbiased perspective, it's probably not healthy for you to be around her yet. You're still deeply attached, and you like her a lot. It's probably not going to help you cope with being apart from her, and you may try to settle into this old groove you used to have with her; if that happens, and she starts dating someone, you'll become extremely upset and the relationship could turn toxic. I've seen it happen before, and it's happened to me before... so you've been warned.

From a personal perspective, I've been there before. It's hard to pull away from someone you show passionately cared about. If you do decide to go through with things, and try to be friends with her, I would sincerely suggest that you ask her straight and upfront. Say "hey, I miss being friends, and having you around. I'd really like to hang out with you more." If she says no, just drop it, and leave it at that.

If she says yes to you two being friends and spending more time together, YOU MUST HOLD UP TO YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN. You will only be a friend, and nothing more. You have to be ready to let her have fun, live her life, and do things without you. She will not dedicate her entire life to you just because you two are communicating again.

Just be aware that this is a very fickle situation, and you will react very emotionally to whatever happens. Lots of old feelings might spring up again when interacting with her, and you might act irrationally, without you realizing what you're doing. Know this going in, and try to stay calm and emotionally grounded. Also, don't try to make any "compromises" with her. You have no right for that, at this point. Just aim for a basic friendship, and infrequent hang outs. If that works out, you can progress from there. Good luck!

0 · January 10, 2013

#1015
Val Zamero

Val Z.

LOS ANGELES,
United States

15 posts

Well this isn't about a romantic relationship. This is going to be about my friends and I. Or atleast they are my so called friends. Well I am in high school and a have a few close friends. For some strange reason someone is ussually left out. Let's say Nancy, Jessie, and I all go out for lunch but we didn't even bother to invite Jessica. And it's not to be mean it's just that we won't bother. It's like we forget about them. I have never been left out until recently my friends have been hanging out with me and it makes me fee realy sad. I know they are not doing this to hurt me either or on purpose. I been thinking to myself and just let this roll off my shoulders for NOW!
Please, give me your thoughts.

0 · January 10, 2013

#1016
Gwendolyn R. Chandler

Gwendolyn R. C.

MARYLAND,
United States

99 posts

@Chris F.

Thank you Chris, this was big help :) i need a strangers opinion who didn't know thee whole situation like all of my other friends, so they would be bias. I will do my best to be as emotionally grounded as I can. Once i get back to school i'll see if i am fine with out her and if i should even bother discussing a friendship if i feel it will hurt me. I will be cautious. :) Thank you!

0 · January 11, 2013

#1017
Marina G

Marina G.

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO,
Mexico

43 posts

So I had a boyfriend, we were together for 4 months, we broke up on June 2011, last September we saw each other again and we kissed again, but at the time he had a girlfriend, after that we kept talking and talking, over the phone, whatsapp, fb,etc. We were always telling each other inappropiate things, he was always telling me that we should have sex (since we never did it and I'm a virgin). We said we were "best friends", because we really get along and we tell each other everything. Like I said, he had a girlfriend but was also seeing another girl, he kept cheating on his gf with me (at first) and then with the other girl, to be honest he is an ass, then on December he invited me to his family's christmas dinner, so I went and we kissed again (he was still with his gf). That time was very nice, we even talked about getting married and we named our children, all of his family really likes me, they are always saying how worthy and nice I am, but of course they didn't know he had a gf. I was always telling me his relationship was so fake, since they weren't a real couple and he was always cheating on her. Then a week later I found out, from a very reliable source, that his gf was cheating on him too and that she didn't even acknowledge him as his bf, so I told him and long story short, they broke up. Then last weekend was his b-day, so I congratulated him and he invited me to have lunch with his parents and cousin. So I went and then I went to his house, we were there acting as if we were a couple, but we are not. The problem here is that I know that he is an asshole, because if he wanted to get back with me, he would have already done that. I know I'm so stupid for wanting to get back with him, he has done many things that prove how stupid and worthless he is. He has a lot of girls chasing after him, he is a ladies man, but it's like he keeps talking to me and telling me things like "I love you, I miss you, etc. A couple of days ago I made the decision to leave him behind, I am a pretty decent person, I have very nice values and I just feel he doesn't value me, because (not to brag or anything) I know how much I'm worth. So yesterday he talked to me on whatsapp and I took a lot of time to reply, then he said "I wanna see you", but I didn't say anything, and a few hours earlier he texted me "Hey, if a don't talk to you, you won't talk to me, right?" So I didn't answer anything. It is very hard for me not to answer him, besides I just want to see if he keeps insisting on the next days. What do you think? Overall, Is just that I want to leave him, because I know that we will never get back together and I'm simply tired of playing these games. If he wants me he is going to have to have me in a serious relationship. I want to figure out how much he really cares.

0 · January 13, 2013

#1018
Charlie L

Charlie L.

ENGLAND,
United Kingdom

95 posts

I would definitely say don't get together with him - if he was cheating on his girlfriend with another girl AND you, what's to say he won't do the exact same to you? I would say it would be wise to stay away from him...

0 · January 19, 2013

#1019
Dorota Forko

Dorota F.

PIXEL KINGDOM,
Poland

52 posts

@Budiono T.

Same here. I'm in long distance (about 300 km) relationship for about 3 years.

0 · February 22, 2013

#1020
Selina M

Selina M.

LONDON,
United Kingdom

4924 posts

@Marina G.

he cares nothing for you. don't waste your time with him

0 · March 19, 2013

#1021
Ian -

Ian -.

United States

10 posts

Hello my name is Ian, and this is my story.

A year ago I met a girl in my ethics class. Beautiful, smart, close interests, same major. She has the same amount of passion if not more towards nursing. We can never shut up about nursing when we are together. Our interests generally fall in line together however she does her own stuff as well as I do my own thing which to me is okay.

My problem is, I like the girl. (That's not really a problem) I've only took her out for coffee, lunch and a drink at a bar. I had asked her to dinner before however she cancelled. I only talk to her oh so often as I'm always busy and I assume she is busy with nursing. She usually is the one to make an effort to text me hey and see how things are going, I feel bad about that.

I don't know her to an extent to be able to say I honestly like her, I guess I'm being cautious and considering it as strong attraction. But for one year?

The questionsI have are; should I tell her how I feel?

I'm just afraid she doesn't feel the same way I suppose

0 · April 1, 2013

#1022
Nicole Waters

Nicole W.

MANILA,
Philippines

206 posts

@Ian -.

I think there is nothing wrong in telling her what you feel, that way some questions will be answered.
If the outcome is negatively bad, atleast the chances of you falling deeply to that girl will never happened.

0 · April 2, 2013

#1024
Tainá Castro

Tainá C.

ARACAJU, BRAZIL,
Brazil

483 posts

I have some thoughts about your situation and I'd like to share... Three years is a really, really, really long time! You love your boyfriend, he surely loves you as well so, if this isn't happenning in at least three years, just let it go, go with the flow and let things happen. I don't see why you should break up with him, at least not now. Have you talked to him about how you feel about it yet? Do it, don't rush anything and just see what happens when the time comes.

0 · September 23, 2013

#1025
Francesca Smith

Francesca S.

LONDON,
United Kingdom

284 posts

Hi everyone, any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.

I like this guy at work. We text outside of work most days, he asks me about my day and lightly teases me about things. He always helps me if I need anything, and offers to make me coffee a lot.

As we speak so much, I thought it would be appropriate for me to tell him that I like him as more than a friend and that I am attracted to him. We recently spoke about it all on the phone, and he said, "you're gorgeous, you make me laugh and I find it hard to resist you, but I have an issue with the age gap". He is 31 and I am 19, so there are 11 years between us. He told me that it would be best for us to "go forward as friends".

I'm feeling quite sad about it at the moment, and I don't know whether to just give up on him, or wait to see if he changes his mind about the age gap. Surely, he wouldn't say the compliments had done if he didn't like me at all?

0 · November 2, 2013

#1026
Selina M

Selina M.

LONDON,
United Kingdom

4924 posts

if the age gap is the only thing stopping you guys, pluck up the courage and move it to the next level. you are old enough, give it a try. it is a bit odd at the present stage, it looks less odd once you turn 20 and then it can look ok but i say give it a try. it seems to be mutual on both sides

0 · November 2, 2013

#1027
Anjola Osifeso

Anjola O.

KENT,
United Kingdom

15 posts

Hiya there, some advice would be greatly appreciated!

There's a guy that I like on my course and I'd always be too scared to talk to him even though I was pretty friendly with his friend who would sit with him. This week in particular in every lecture we were both in, whenever I would look around the lecture hall, i would strangely always catch his eye but obviously look away just as quick. There was a Halloween boat party on Wednesday and he was there and yet again I was too scared to talk to him. Last night however was a different story! I went out clubbing for my friends birthday and whilst I was dancing the guy turns up out of nowhere and said that he remembers me in his seminar two years ago and I don't remember it at all. He smiled at me and I smiled back and he walked off. A bit later we danced together, had a kiss and he asked me for my number which I happily gave and he gave me his number too. We then parted and then I didn't see him for ages and I assumed that perhaps he left then i saw him again, we had a longer kiss and he asked me to go back to his, which I agreed to. When we got to his and were chilling in the sitting room his friend I know came in (as he lives with him) and he was joking saying that he was the wingman and we and this guy were the two points in the 'love triangle' which we all laughed about. We didn't have sex as I didn't want to but we fooled around a bit and snuggled together. The next morning was rather awkward as we didn't say much to each other and the goodbye was rather rushed. I have no idea if he will text me- I'm worried that since he asked for my number before I went back with him, he's not as interested, and I'm dreading seeing both him and his friend in lectures as I have no idea how it's gonna play out. I was warned by my housemate that the guy has a reputation of bringing girls back (I don't know how often he does so) but she thinks its a good sign he actually asked for my number as apparently he doesn't do that. Please help and sorry this is all so longwinded!

0 · November 2, 2013

#1029
Nkem Murphy

Nkem M.

ASABA,
Nigeria

3 posts

Just wait,the right girl will come your way

0 · November 27, 2013

#1030
Francesca Smith

Francesca S.

LONDON,
United Kingdom

284 posts

I've been dating someone now for about a month and a half. We have been on a few dates (dinner twice, shopping and the cinema) and he will also pick me up from work sometimes. We have had a lot of laughs together, and we've been kissing and cuddling.

The only downside is that he smokes, and I feel as though it comes between us and ruins the time we have together - as he makes me stand with him while he does it, or leaves me to smoke. I've broached the subject with him before, and he tells me that he doesn't want to give up - whether this is because he likes smoking, or because he lacks the motivation to, I don't know. He, I think, because of this would be better off with someone who understood the habit more than me, or someone who also smoked. I told him this today on the phone, and said that if he gives up smoking one day that we can definitely give it another go and that unfortunately, it's just one of those things I find hard to deal with.

He offered to pick me up from work tonight after this, so I assumed that he would want to talk about it, but he actually didn't mention it at all. We instead just talked about our days and weekends and had a giggle. I asked him why he'd offered me a lift home from work, and he said "because I'm a nice guy and I was in the same town anyway". He then started telling me about his weekend - he'd been clubbing with his friend and his friend had begun talking to two girls. He told me that his friend had kissed the girl he was talking to but that he had told the girl's friend that he wasn't interested in her, and didn't do anything with her.

Was there a reason he was telling me this story about the girl (such as to prove he's serious about me) or was it just casual conversation?

0 · January 27, 2014

#1031
Selina M

Selina M.

LONDON,
United Kingdom

4924 posts

@Francesca S.

smoking is something that is difficult to compromise on and for me, i can't do it. i hate smoking and i couldn't be with someone who does smoke because it personally affects me. i am only guessing that he told you that because he wants to make a point that he wants to stay with you regardless of your concern about his smoking

0 · February 5, 2014

#1032
Kay T.

Kay T.

SO CAL,
United States

6 posts

@Francesca S.

@francescamay
if "not smoking" is something that you value in a guy then don't change your values for him especially if its a bad habit (aka smoking). good job for telling him that you cant accept him smoking! :]

Regarding the story, it sounds like he's trying to say he is serious about you or he's just trying to get some extra brownie points but if he's not willing to give up smoking don't succumb to him being nice and considerate about other things because he's still not offering to give up smoking or at least compromise.

0 · February 11, 2014

  

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