last comment by Selina M.
over 2 years ago
Jen O. C.
I assure you I am fully qualified to answer most all of your sex-related inquiries, male, female, queer or straight alike.
over 6 years ago
Jen O. C.
I've personally found that once you just relax and stop trying so hard, things come pretty easily (pun somewhat intended). After splitting up with my long-term ex, I was doing everything to put myself out there and it was only after eight months - when I'd pretty much given up and just reverted to my regular self - that I finally got laid again. After that, I never had much trouble finding sex partners, even when I wasn't expecting to. It's true that confidence is attractive. I think what worked for me is that people could TELL I was just being who I was, and not particularly trying to impress them.You're certainly not unattractive, so don't measure your self-worth in how much dick and/or pussy you're getting! Go out, have fun, hang out with people that might help you meet new people. And if you're still in high school, don't stress out about it too much; people wise up once they get a bit older and realise sex isn't such a big deal.
December 31, 2010
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If you read my reply to Alexe G, there are a couple of medical things that can make sex very difficult or painful, but it's pretty rare. Likely your first time will be painful, but your body will get used to it, and obviously if he's quite large it can exacerbate things, but your body will adjust either way. Doing lots of fingering and other foreplay beforehand will make it easier, and you can always use lube if he's having trouble entering you. Just get comfortable and try to stay relaxed, and remember that it gets better :)
It was the latter. My comment wasn't as clear as I'd thought :) But thanks.
January 5, 2011
I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months and it's my first relationship to last longer than 1 month. Even though we kind of moved pretty fast since we started dating, I didn't lose my virginity to him until about 4 months ago. Before him I had never even done more than kiss anyone and I'm 20. :x But anyway, the first month we began having sex I hated it, it was just painful and uncomfortable and I really did not want to keep doing it, but I knew I had to if I wanted to live a normal life. I'd always been afraid of/disgusted by the very idea of sex and genitalia and always thought I'd be the female 40-year-old virgin.THANKFULLY, after that first month I all of a sudden started enjoying it. However I've noticed that I've never had a g-spot orgasm. I can feel it when I stick my fingers in there to explore, and it is sensitive, but not really in a sexual way. I've never felt close to any kind of g-spot orgasm though I still enjoy sex. Thoughts?Also: my boyfriend lately has been having delayed ejaculation problems, supposedly due to his antidepressants and even though he says it's not me, I can't help but feel insecure.My boyfriend also happens to like when girls are confident and sexy and "wild" but that's not really me. I've always had self-esteem issues and don't feel comfortable showing off my body. Like I hate my butt and thighs and tummy, but I want to try to get past that and just not be my usual tame self, and wear sexy outfits and shit. How would I go about doing that?
June 20, 2011
I hate hugging, kissing and being intimate and I find the idea of having sex repulsive.Also I don't like people sitting close to me or touching me. As example, holding hands... many people like holding hands, but I can only think of the sweatiness and I keep asking to myself: "Did he/she wash his/her hands after he/she went to the toilet?"Or there was a close friend of mine and she always touched my leg when she was sitting next to me.I was just frozen because she was touching a "NO TOUCHING" - zone. I won't lie, practically my whole body is a no touching zone. (':I have the same thing with guys. Even when someone I find attractive touches me, I cringe.I think I have a problem. (':And no, no-one abused me as a kid. XD
My boyfriend, who I live with and love to death, has no interest in having sex with me. He did when we first moved in together but not anymore... I have no idea why
Keep in mind that not all women are able to have g-spot orgasms. I've never had one myself, but I've given them to other women and the way they describe it is that it feels quite intense and a little like you have to pee (and indeed some women do ejaculate), which is why a lot of women get scared and stop before they orgasm this way. The positioning of the g-spot, too, doesn't really work with regular PIV intercourse - you need fingers or a sex toy designed for that. So if you're hoping to have one with your boy, play around yourself first. There are articles you can read from women who've taken courses on how to have a g-spot orgasm; might be worth searching around. And if you try and try and still can't make it happen, don't be discouraged! Just enjoy and appreciate your clit and vag for what they can do for you.If he says it isn't you, then you have to take him at his word. Sex doesn't have to be 'over' when he ejaculates — it can be over sooner, or later. Remember, you can do whatever you want together. If he's having trouble getting off and you're getting tired, just say so! Ask him if he wants to try and get himself off, but most likely he won't have a problem if you just want to stop. You can always try again later ;DFirst things first, you should never try to change yourself for a guy. If you PERSONALLY want to be more confident and more sexy, then great, but don't do it just because you think that's what he likes. If he's been with you this long, chances are he likes you regardless of whether you're shy or self-conscious or what.Secondly, EVERY WOMAN WHO IS ALIVE has issues with her body. Likely the only person who notices the things you perceive as flaws is you. But instead of just throwing yourself into sexy lingerie that feels awkward, why not start a bit tamer? For instance, maybe wear some stockings so you don't have to feel that your thighs are too exposed when you're wearing a short skirt or shorts. But regardless, I'm sure your boyfriend loves your body so there's no need to feel ashamed of it, and who cares what other people think? At the end of the day, it's not strangers you want to impress.
Don't worry, I would never suggest abuse as the reason behind why someone is the way they are.Some of what you said sounds like asexuality, but the fact that you are not only disinterested in sex but in physical contact of most types, and that you worry about people being 'unclean' suggests to me a form of OCD or another type of anxiety problem. I'd try talking to a counselor or a doctor, because this seems more like a personal issue rather than a sexual one. Good luck, and sorry I can't be more help.
Generally a disinterest in sex is a sign of disinterest in the relationship. People go through lulls every now and then of course, especially once you've settled into a home together, but if it's been more than a couple of weeks since you felt genuinely wanted, talk to him about it. If it's not to do with your relationship or you personally, then there is likely some other issue that's taking up his headspace and needs to be dealt with.
I'm feeling really confused and almost depressed. 4 nights ago one of my closest friends invited me over to his house for a movie. We ended up doing incredibly sexual activities on his bed and he was about to enter me when I begged him to stop. I regret doing this.. I really wanted him and I've been in love with him for 3 years. It had been so long since I had come near to having sex, but I was just scared because for one, he didn't have a condom, and two, he is one of the worship leaders at my church and I wasn't sure if it was right. He told me it was alright and he wouldn't, so we just cuddled for a bit.. Until he decided he wanted a handjob. I felt so uncomfortable because I hadn't done that before and I just felt like I wasn't bringing him any pleasure. After that night he said he hoped it wasn't weird for me, but that he had a lot of fun. Since then he hasn't really talked to me, but it's killing me because I feel like I'll always have this longing for him as I have for the past years, but I don't know if he wants me for me, or every once in a while sex..
June 21, 2011
Thank you! That was helpful and now I feel a lot better.Another related question though is about birth control. My boyfriend and I are poor, and while he has a job, he needs to use that money for rent and utilities. I'm looking for a job but it's hard, and I don't drive either, and don't know the first thing about getting birth control pills.My dad is a doctor, and he's a very kind, gentle, rational, practical type of guy, and he's hooked me up with medication for an allergic reaction rash I had last year. I was thinking about asking him about getting birth control but I AM his daughter after all, and I'm not sure if he knows I'm sexually active, and I don't know how he'd react.
If you're legally an adult then he really has no say in what you do with your sex life, and as a good doctor and father I'd think he would probably feel a little awkward but would be glad that you're being responsible. I used to work in a doctor's office and a lot of them do get samples of birth control pills, and are generally happy to give away a few packs to someone who can't afford the prescription, so chances are your dad could probably hook you up with a few.But if you don't feel comfortable asking him you can also check your area for Planned Parenthood or other sexual health/youth clinics; many of them provide cheap or free access to birth control pills (and many of them will give you condoms too, just in case). I was living in the states with no health insurance and the free clinic I went to would give me a year's supply every time I came for a pap test — which you should get after you turn 18 and/or are sexually active anyways. Good luck!
Good for you for saying no to unprotected sex! If you still want to have sex with him, why don't you just mention that that was the reason you didn't want to do it?As for the emotional aspects, the only thing you can really do to know for sure is ask him. I've been in your situation before (in love with a close friend and not sure if he's interested or just enjoying the sexy times) and I let it go on for WAY too long without finding out what his feelings were for me. I don't really regret anything we did together, but the more often we had sex, the more difficult it was for me to bring up my feelings for him. It seems like this is hitting you pretty hard so you should probably get it out of the way before anything else happens, or doesn't happen. It might hurt if your feelings aren't reciprocated, but isn't it better to know instead of killing yourself with "what if"s? That way regardless of what happens, you can allow yourself to move forward.
Thanks!But wow, a year's supply? Was that for free or discounted?
THE OC, CALIFORNIA<3,
Im about to be 16&im the only junior girl from all my childhood friends and current friends that is a virgin..i sometimes think I want to loose it and get it over with, but something in ne wants to keep holding onto it, because its kinda rare nowadays in this era..at least.
So, im just like most of these girls..im a virgin and although me and my boyfriend have tried to have sex its so hard to get wet and it hurts for the head to even go in..idk what to do, because I really want to, I just feel like my body doesnt.
thatd be really annoyin hahah:L
linda c, i think its quite ridiculous at not even 16 your friends have already had sex. its just too young in my opinion. take your time over it
Make sure you guys fool around a lot before you try and get him to enter you. Have him use his fingers, make sure you're very aroused, get some lube if you need to — don't be ashamed to buy it or use it! Make yourself comfortable. For some women it's easier to be on top, for others they can relax more easily lying down, whatever works for you.My first time wasn't really painful, but it was very difficult for him to get in and we sort of had to force it; the first couple times didn't really work. Just keep trying.In response to your other post, don't ever let anyone give you a hard time about how much sex you are or are not having. You guys are teenagers. It's not a competition. Pretty much everyone obviously wants to and is welcome to experiment, but how far you go is entirely up to you. It's certainly not 'rare' to be a virgin at 16, but nor is it necessary for you to wait to have sex until you're some arbitrary age that people deem 'old enough'. Have sex when you want to, and when you and your partner feel ready. Don't let the pressure get to you, one way or the other.
Free! It was basically the best ever. I'm back home in Canada now and I have to pay like $50 for three months' worth because I don't have prescription coverage, it sucks.
Oh damn, I gotta get me summa that! As long as it doesn't mess with my weight or sex drive, ahah. -.-
lol i also have a gay friend who calls himself homophobic... he says he hates the promiscuous lifestyle, and narcissistic + superficial tendencies of many gay men so you are not alone
June 22, 2011
Yeah, its disgusting because I look at younger girks (freshmen in highschool)&they basically have already had sex
Thank you, youre good at this!
Doesn't losing your virginity before your 16 make you a slut?
July 11, 2011
wow, no.In my opinion there is no such thing as a slut because women are allowed to be in control of their own sexuality (which is why I hate that the 'slutty vs sexy' thread exists). But I do think it is poor form to go sleeping around with numerous partners for any reasons other than your own desires — be it self-validation, guilt, spite, power, etc. This is what I believe fits the traditional idea of 'slut'. It has nothing to do with how old you are when you lose your virginity, who you do it with, what kind of sex you like, or how many people you fuck. It's the reasoning behind it that matters.But Bárbara is right; depending on the laws in the country you live in, it may not technically be legal even if you give consent. For instance, here in Canada I believe the legal age of consent is 16, but a 14- or 15-year-old can have sex with someone less than five years their senior.
July 12, 2011
Hello Jen,How do I effectively get to make out with a friend (hint for a make out)?We both want to, but I have no idea on how to let him know, as we're always jokingly teasing each other, so it's difficult to hint like I would with someone else, because I've been doing it since forever, but just in a friendly way.I feel stupid because we're quite good friends and I've never been in such situation. Oh so complicated to distinguish the friendly from the not-so-innocent approach...
July 21, 2011
Flavoured lubes are generally pretty safe, but in my opinion they don't generally taste that good. Don't use food or anything; it can give the girl a yeast infection or other unpleasantness. Oh, and eating lots of fruit and vegetables (pineapple especially) can make a person's fluids taste a bit sweeter. If you eat junk, you're gonna taste like junk.
Honestly, if you're pretty sure he wants to, then just go for it. Kiss him and see what happens. No point in beating around the bush. I've taken the initiative with plenty of my friends and only been shut down a couple of times, so chances are it'll be fine. Don't overthink it, just do it!
Just can't do it. Its too hard
August 21, 2011
Omg i was going to post the exact same thing, its so hard to have sex! People make it sound so easy and fun, but its just painful and really hard to do. We've tried atleast 5 times
my first time having sex didn't really hurt so I can't relate to you really, but the best advice I can give is you need to make sure you are wet enough and not tense. if you haven't tried using lube yet try it!! it makes things much easier. unfortunately you may need to push through the pain for the first couple of times and even though it will really hurt once you have done this it will get a lot better..
August 22, 2011
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO,
What's your opinion on dry-humping?
August 29, 2011
Aside from the fact that it has a really awkward name, I think it's pretty all right. Not sure what exactly you want to know.
August 30, 2011
aaah, I'm replying really late but! Shaz, don't worry.. you'll get there eventually. It was also EXTREMELY painful for me too. Like reeeally freaking painful, I remember the first few times we tried to do it I was crying afterwards and my boyfriend felt really bad. We tried to do it at least seven to ten times until we realised that we had to 'start slow' and my boyfriend had to do other things to me until we got to that point. Those other things freaking hurt at the beginning too and I think after about trying like 22 times or something, it finally happened... and yet again it freaking hurt. It continued to hurt but after about the 10th time I finally got used to it. Oh and also, after it happened for the first time I was freaking stinging like crazy down there for a few days. I just thought I'd put that out there, because I remember asking loads of people and they'd say "oh it didn't hurt for me" or "it hurts a little bit, buuut it's not that bad" so I thought I'd just share my experience and say that Yes, it can freaking hurt A LOT. But, it WILL get better and you will feel no pain eventually. Oh and also for the teens that feel 'weird' because they're a virgin. Seriously, please don't. I lost mine when I was at the 'ancient' age of TWENTY, yep, that's right guys. I could have lost it earlier, but for me, I simply was never into the idea of losing it to some guy I just met at a night club or something. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of just having sex for the sake of it and for me I wanted my first time to be with someone I actually liked and I didn't get with someone I actually liked, well, I love him actually, until I was 19... then I went overseas for 6 months and when I came back I was 20 ha. So yes, please people, don't feel weird for being a virgin, PLEASE. It's really not a big deal, I used to be a bit conscious of it when I was 16 - 17 but now that I'm older, I've realised it's honestly nothing to be ashamed about. I also know a few people slightly older than me who are still virgins, and they're lovely girls, they just haven't felt the need, or found the right guy yet... so you know, don't worry.
September 11, 2011
I know right, i hate it when young people say that they feel weird for being a virgin. I wanted to loose mine when im married, but since i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years we're practically married anyway so i decided to do it. Its not a game! You should do it when you want to, not when your friends think you should
haha, so true. Some younger girls are just kind of obsessed with subtly pressuring their friends. I remember when I first told one of my friends about my boyfriend she was like "OMG, HAVE YOU HAD SEX YET?" and I was like, err... no, we're both kind of awkward and shy we're going to take it slow and she was just like "OOOMG, JUST WAIT TILL YOU DO IT.. BLAH BLAH BLAH" I mean, yeah, sex is nice... but damn, it's not everything.
September 12, 2011
Sorry if this has been posted before!!!Okay, when me and my boyfreind first started having sex he could last for quite a long time. But now, it seems we just get started and it's over because he's come. Do you have any tips to either stop him from cumming(?) so easily or so that I orgasm quicker?
They make condoms that numb, so it takes guys longer to cum. You could give that a whirl. All in all it's worked for me in the past. As for orgasm.. I don't know.
Try different positions. A lot of guys in my experience last longer when the girl is on top, but some like to be on top themselves (more control I guess). A numbing condom or lube could be worthwhile, but it also might be too much — you don't want him to go limp! As far as your own orgasm goes, remember that him putting his dick in you and blowing his load isn't the only thing sex consists of. If he's coming so quickly that you aren't able to get off, make him do it beforehand. Have him go down on you, finger you, whatever works for you. Or you can do it yourself while he's in you; I find one of the easiest ways is to have him fuck you from behind so you can reach your lady parts more easily. Your needs are just as important as his, and don't let him forget it.
September 13, 2011
Rebecca Elizabeth P.
right,ahhhhhhhhhhi dont have a clue what to do on top-.-i have given blow jobs before and handjobs, iv read in this forum what to do but i still just freak out and panic half way, i try to avoid it as much as i can, i duno why i hate it so much, even if i do feel comfortable with them :S
September 25, 2011
How do I catch an orgasm ?
November 18, 2011
bumping up for people who want advice
February 5, 2014
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