…we’ll be packing our bags, just days away from departure for an Italian adventure. I try so hard not to wish my life away, but I won’t lie – I am so ready for it to be September because I am aching to be back in Europe. I’m really hoping the next five weeks will fly by as quickly as the last five have. Earlier this week, I mistook the current month in an email, referring to April instead of August. That’s how fast time seems to be moving in my world.
My best friend growing up loved countdowns. She was always in anticipation mode, marking days off on her calendar to whatever occasion was approaching next – Christmas, her birthday, Canada Day, it didn’t matter. She was constitutionally incapable of living in the present, it seemed. It took me a long time to realise that her constant forward focus was her strategy for coping with the fact that, in the present, she was utterly miserable – and longer still to realise that there was absolutely nothing I could do for her that could change that. At the time, it just made me irritated and resentful. I developed an aversion to the very word countdown. If something wasn’t happening today, I didn’t want to hear about it.
(Someday, I’ll talk about navigating a friendship break-up. Today is not that day.)
I will give credit where credit is due. My childhood best friend taught me that all time, even time wasted, even time spent bored and waiting, is valuable. She showed me, wholly unintentionally, the importance of living in the moment, rather than living for future moments that may never come. I love to plan for the future, to write lists and imagine what it will be like to spend time in places I will someday visit, but I take as much joy in those moments of fantasy as I do in the reality that eventually comes.
…most of the time. But less lately. We’ve had a rough season at work, and while I’ve weathered rough weeks, even rough months, before, the period from May to, well, the before yesterday, has been a neverending series of upheavals, crises and unpleasant surprises. (Hence why I had to remind myself why I keep my day job.) I am tired. And I won’t lie, a lot of days I feel like I’m one disaster away from being totally unable to cope. I knew things were bad when Ian started emailing me. “You seem to be having trouble remembering things I tell you,” he explained gently, “so I thought it might be better if I wrote the important stuff down.”
Finally, yesterday, I had a day where I felt like I could breathe and focus. But the past half a year made me mistrustful of good days since they are so often followed by a series of bad ones. It’s not that I’m wishing my life away, exactly. It’s just I know that at this time next month, I will be just days away from an Italian adventure and a period of relaxation that I desperately need.
Where will you be at this time next month…?
#sezane #mango #aldo #zara